One of the hardest decisions after experiencing clergy sexual abuse is whether to tell someone in your life what happened.
Maybe you're wondering:
These concerns make sense. Telling someone makes it real in a new way. And you can't control how they'll respond.
Let me offer some gentle guidance — not rules, just suggestions.
FIRST: YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ANYONE
Disclosure is your choice. You don't owe anyone your story. You can keep this private as long as you need to (or forever). Some survivors find healing in sharing. Others find healing in privacy. Both are valid.
IF YOU'RE CONSIDERING TELLING SOMEONE
Questions that might help:
PREPARING FOR THE CONVERSATION
If you decide to tell someone:
Choose the right time and place
Decide what to share
Know what you need
POSSIBLE REACTIONS
If they don't understand the power dynamic: "Clergy hold power similar to therapists. The imbalance makes equal consent very difficult." If they ask why you didn't tell sooner: "I needed time to process first. This isn't about not trusting you." If they want to confront the abuser: "I understand you're angry. But what I need right now is support, not action. Let me decide how to handle this." If they blame you: This is hardest. You might need to end the conversation and reconsider whether this person can support you.
IF THE CONVERSATION DOESN'T GO WELL
Please know:
Some people can't hold space for this truth. That's their limitation, not yours.
WHAT IF YOU'RE NOT READY
If you're not ready to tell anyone in your personal life, that's okay.
You can:
Healing doesn't require disclosure to loved ones.
RESOURCES: Crisis support: RAINN: 1-800-656-4673 | Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 Support for Adult Clergy Abuse Survivors: The Hope of Survivors: thehopeofsurvivors.org | Restored Voices Collective: restoredvoicescollective.com | Awake Community: awakecommunity.org You are not responsible for what happened to you. You deserve support, whatever you decide. Take care of yourself. 💙